Chemo - Round Four

I am convinced that having chemo during the Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas time frame helped me keep my sanity. I loved that there was something to look forward to each month. It helped to keep things feeling normal in my house, although few things were normal at all. Even though I had cancer, I wanted my kid’s lives to go on as though nothing were out of the ordinary.

It was important to me that we keep all of our holiday traditions, just like any other year. On Halloween, the kids still dressed up, we still put the spider web in our front tree, and we still handed out candy. I even made our traditional broccoli cheddar soup for Halloween night.

Thanksgiving was spent doing what we always do – cooking and spending the day with great friends. I cooked a turkey, stuffing, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, homemade cranberry sauce, and a few pies. A bit overboard, I know, but I LOVE Thanksgiving and I was so thankful to have the holiday fall during one of my good weeks. And on this Thanksgiving, I had something extra special to be grateful for – my Mom was coming to visit! Let me just tell you, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, like having your Mom around when you feel crummy. It just makes everything better. I love my Mom!


My mom arrived the Friday after Thanksgiving, and we spent the weekend doing my usual “prepare for chemo” things. And because Christmas was coming up, we decided to get the house decorated for the holiday. We pulled all the decorations out of the attic and got to work getting everything set up. No one does Christmas like my Mother, and it was so nice to have her help. By the time she was finished, there wasn’t a surface that was left untouched. She even strung popcorn to put on the tree! I joked that it looked like Santa had thrown up on my house - it looked that Christmas-y! I loved knowing that when I was feeling yucky over the next few weeks, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting my house ready for the holidays.

Facebook Post from November 29, 2010 at 7:21am
“So thankful today for the love and support of great family and friends. Round #4 of the poison pumping is today. NOT looking forward to it, but the bright side is that after this treatment, I only have TWO more! WOOOHOOO!!!! There's nothing like walking into the office feeling great and then leaving feeling like poop for a week. But it works, so we'll keep on keepin' on! Happy Monday :) xoxoxo”

Round four was on Monday, November 29, 2010. Again, I knew what was coming, so nothing really surprised me. It was nice to have my Mom there so she could see how everything worked firsthand. After another REALLY late start, we got the poison going. (I was used to the long delays in the waiting room prior to my infusion appointments; my Mom was not. She was so annoyed! Those days it seemed as if my whole life was spent in a waiting room. I had given up on being frustrated.)

This time in the infusion center I wasn’t the only person under the age of 60. In fact, in my little corner of the room, there were 3 of us who were young moms, all of us under 40. The two women both had ovarian cancer, and I talked a bit with the woman directly across from me. Things were not going well for her, and I listened as she told me of the complications she had endured in the last few months. The other woman was there for her first infusion. You could see the fear in her face; I’m sure my face looked the same on my first visit, too. I had met her for the first time a month before in the waiting room. She had two small children, and was facing a tough road ahead. She had cut her hair really short in anticipation of it falling out. Her first round of chemo did not go well.

I remember feeling guilty after meeting these two incredibly brave women. Guilt that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer they can find relatively easily. The cancer that they know how to treat. The cancer that you can survive if you find it early enough. The cancer that gets all the attention. I knew I was going to come out of this ok. Yes, I was going to be just as miserable as them undergoing treatment. But I had the kind of cancer that most women can fight and win. I knew their fate was not as certain. And that day I felt guilt that my cancer was easier than theirs.

The smell of the chemo drugs had become more than I could handle during this round. I started covering my nose during the Adriamycin – I could smell it go in my port, and it just made me nauseated. I knew that smell all too well – I would be smelling it in my urine and feces and on my body for the next several days, chemo’s lovely little parting gift. I had a hard time drinking anything cold during that drug as well – nothing sounded good at all. But I did the best I could, and sometimes it would just be ice that I sucked on.

Michael came and brought Panera for lunch, and my Mom left to fill a prescription so we could have lunch together (remember, only one guest at a time). We were home before the kids returned from school, and I just waited for the misery to start.




Just like before, the symptoms were much the same. The neuropathy continued, but it began hurting so badly that it helped to have someone push on my thumb nail now and again to make the pain subside. The ill feelings chemo brings to your body are still hard for me to explain. It is unlike anything else I have experienced, and you just take it hour by hour.

I was having such a hard time finding something to drink to keep me hydrated and help flush the poison out. Over the past few treatments I had tried juice boxes, cranberry juice and ginger ale. But it was more and more difficult to stomach anything that was sweet. And water tasted horrible. My Mom found some sparkling water with lime essence, and some with orange essence. It made drinking so much easier, and I liked the little bit of flavor in the water. Mom saves the day!

My Mom also felt strongly that I should try to get up out of bed and at least come down stairs and sit up on the couch for a while each day. She said she thought getting up and moving around would make me feel better and help me to bounce back faster. Even though it was hard on me, she was right. See, you should listen to your parents!

Over the time she was here, my Mom baked her traditional sugar Christmas cookies and froze them, ready for my kids to frost on Christmas Eve. She baked nearly 40 loaves of banana bread, ready for me to give out as Christmas gifts (it’s tradition!), and put those in the freezer as well. She had meals frozen and ready for us to eat and she helped me wrap all my Christmas presents. Having her here helped me to ensure that Christmas for my kids would be just like any other. Well, almost. This time, their Mom would be bald.

Facebook Post from December 7, 2010 at 6:25am
“After almost 2 weeks here, my Mom just left :( ....but she got the first picture taken with my baldy head. I know you have all been curious.... so here you go! Don't worry, Baltimore, I will continue to keep this noggin covered up when I am in public! Dinner time and hot flashes at home...now that's another story. No guarantees around the house :)”